You may have read my post that appeared on Date Daily about the Fuck Zone and if you haven’t, please do so. In it, I discussed what the fuck zone is, who gets put into it, why people get put into it, and how to get out.
I approached the how to get out of it from a very black and white perspective: If you’re unsatisfied with being in the fuck zone, get out of it as soon as possible.
That advice, while still valid and something I wholeheartedly agree with, comes from *shockingly* an Indifferent point of view.
It works great in theory (and in my personal experience) but for some people, dropping someone they’re attracted to isn’t as easy as that.
Some people like to give things a shot.
If you want to get out of the Fuck zone, you first have to ask yourself some questions.
1. How did you end up here?
2. What is the current state of your situation?
3. Has this person explicitly said what they want out of seeing you?
How did you get to where you are?
For a lot of people it tends to follow this sort of pattern:
You go on a first date and it goes well. The second date either starts at someone’s apartment or ends at someone’s apartment. The third date is DEFINITELY at one of your apartments. In-between the 2nd and 3rd date you fool around or have sex.
This isn’t to say that the experience is universal, just to say that the fuck zone usually starts by building a quick and easy rapport, followed by affection through physical contact fairly on, then sooner or later all you’re doing is hanging out in apartments “watching Netflix”
There are a lot of variations on this theme but this seems to be the basic model of progression when a fuck zone situation happens.
Just to be clear, when I say Fuck Zone I mean that you’re friends with benefits with someone who wants more. Nothing wrong with FWB of course.
You now know the How of how you got in the fuck zone so now lets address your Current state.
The most common state is only hanging out at either of your apartments or, only seeing each other for unplanned booty calls.
A good rule of thumb is this: If you’ve had sex with this person 10 times, but have only been on an actual date 1 time, you’re probably in the fuck zone.
A good indicator of whether or not you’re dating is the 50/50 rule. If you’re dating someone 50% of the time you’re going on dates and 50% of the time you’re staying in.
The higher the percentage of the time you’re spending together for just sex, the higher the likelihood that you’re in the fuck zone.
Finally, you should address whether or not the person you’re sleeping with has explicitly said what they want.
If this is a person who said upfront that they only want sex it’s probably best if you move on.
If this someone who has never explicitly stated what they want well then, please read on.
My advice from my previous post about how to get out of the fuck zone was simple: Tell them you want something serious.The one thing I overlooked was this: if you tell someone after a month of dating that you want something serious that conversation is going one or two ways: Commitment or Rejection
I’m guessing you want to avoid flat out rejection.
Here’s how you do it:
1. Stop making/answering booty calls
The tone of your situation is set by how much time you’re spending together and how much of it is focused on sex. If this is a person who is only booty calling (texting) you, Stop replying to them.
If you’re only communication with them is setting up plans for sex, you should probably stop ONLY sending sexts if you want things to be more than just sex .
This sends the message without actually verbalizing it, that only getting booty calls just don’t work for you.
Either that or you go to sleep before midnight
2. Avoid apartment dates, suggest an outside dates instead
In a fuck zone situation, people tend to take what they get. If you’re giving out the goods but want more you’re doing it wrong. Demand more, give out the goods later if you want to get out of the fuck zone.
3.When a date is planned, hold them (and yourself) to it.
With a casual situation, people tend to be a little lenient with last minute cancellations, not replying to texts in a timely fashion, and overall flaky behavior. If you want to move out of the fuck zone, you simply cannot abide that sort of behavior.
Holding someone accountable sends a clear message: My time is valuable and I will not have it wasted
On a final note I just want you to remember that even when you follow all the hints you still get stuck in the fuck zone so keep this in mind: Sometimes no matter how much you like someone, they’re just no good for you*
*Yes, I did steal this quote from The Hills
Good luck out there