Why don’t I get responses?

So you’ve taken my advice and somehow you’re still not getting responses on dating sites. Or worse yet, you’re not getting the types of responses that you want. You’re frustrated, at your wit’s end, ready to give up hope.

Well first off let me just say that it’s ok to take a break from dating. In fact, if dating is giving you more anxiety than not, please for your own well-being, take a break from dating. Online or otherwise, sometimes you just need a break. But what about you folks out there who aren’t ready to quit but want a few more responses in their lives? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

The secret to getting more responses on Online dating sites is simple really: Volume. It may not be the most romantic answer but honestly, online dating is a volume game. I’m not sure if I’ve linked to this article before but here are The 4 most desired people on Okcupid. The main take away from this article for me was the volume. The straight woman predictably received a large volume of unsolicited messages. However, both the straight and gay men in the article also had a high volume of users messaging them.

So let’s approach the “I’m not getting any messages” problem with a question before we proceed:

Have you followed my advice regarding your profile, your pictures, and some things to avoid?

If not, go listen/read some of my earlier advice. I’ll wait, don’t worry. Now that you’re back, or you never left, you’re ready to max out your response rate.

The first step is to stop sending first messages. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but trust me; messaging first will yield a very low response rate. This is something I always swore by and you’ll just have to trust me on this. You next want to maximize which sites you’re on. If you’re the type that swears by one site, supplement that site with some low commitment apps such as Tinder, Hot or Not, or Hinge. They’re quick and easy and don’t require a lot of commitment. Doing this increases your exposure and the odds that you’ll come across a special someone.

After that, start rating/liking/hearting people indiscriminately. I know this doesn’t sound like the most upright or romantic thing to do but if you’re not getting responses, you need to change this by focusing on volume. By focusing on volume and not carefully crafted messages, you’re playing a low risk-high reward. If you’re still feeling guilty consider this: You are at minimum not rating people highly based solely on their looks.

Finally, when you do start getting responses from your high volume rating efforts, you need to write great responses. Once you’ve got your in, you don’t want to squander your opening. Here are some really basic messaging tips that pretty much every dating blogger will tell you:

1.Be original and avoid copy and paste pre-written messages

2. Read the profile of the person you’re messaging, use correct grammar and spelling

3. Avoid netspeak (lol, irl, ur, etc.).

Remember, if you’re not interested in someone, you don’t have to message them. You might match up with them, read that they really loved the last Matrix movie and realize suddenly that they are a terrible match (because the last Matrix movie was the worst).

Now, you probably have some doubts. Well I will tell you this, it won’t turn around overnight. If you’re not getting responses you just have to soldier through. Dating is hard work, even when it’s easy.

Now go out there, increase your matching volume, and find someone cute to make out with.

Good luck out there

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