Rejection is bound to happen, but what happens when you simply cannot get over someone you used to date?I’ve been in that very position, and here’s 5 things I did to get over it:
1. Don’t put your life on hold
I dated someone for six months until she abruptly ended things on the same day we planned to go to a big party with all my friends. Instead of staying home and wallowing in self-pity, I went out that night, had a great time, and met the next person I dated . Point being, don’t put your life on hold. It will only delay getting over your ex.
2. No social media contact, at all
“But, we’re friends” you say, or “But, then they’ll no I defriended them” and to that I say: So What. You guys aren’t together, why does it matter if you’re friends/follow each other? If you’re scared of how you’ll look by completely removing them, just mute or unfollow them. If it’s Instagram, just unfollow them, no discussion! Resist the urge to stalk their social media or worse, subtweet them. I’ll admit, I’ve done it before. I’m not proud of it. I’m a big believer in de-friending and un-following because if enough time passes, you can always re-friend and re-follow them.
3. Create Space
If you share a friend group, or have to encounter them frequently, making space for yourself is absolutely a necessity. That may mean going to less events where they might appear, but ultimately being apart from them will help you move on. If it’s easy to create space because you don’t share friends, offspring, a living space, or what have you, make no excuses for why you’re not creating space and just do it.
4. Acknowledge their importance, but don’t dwell on it
I’m currently dating an amazing woman but I can tell you that in the past I’ve dated other remarkable women. The fact that I’m currently with someone great does not in any way devalue any of my past relationships. Don’t fall into the trap of minimizing the impact of a person on your life. On the other hand, remember this: just because someone was amazing doesn’t mean that they’re amazing for you.
5. Don’t talk about it, be about it
When I was dating casually, I always considered the people I was seeing as friends and not just hookups. Your first instinct might be to tell them how well you’re doing because they’re your friend, but that’s a bad idea. I know it’s hard, but saying nothing and actually working on getting over them is a lot better than saying that you’re over them.
Just Be. Don’t say what you want to be, just be it.
Don’t tell them what you are, let them see for themselves…or not. It shouldn’t matter to you whether they know you’ve moved on. If you truly have moved on, it doesn’t matter if they know or not.
Good Luck Out There.
photocredit: Ben Raynal (zubrow)