I met a girl on Tinder, we clicked then she stopped responding. What happened?

pyroclasticflows asks:

So I met this girl on Tinder and we seemed to click pretty well. We’d chat back and forth all day and at the end of one day, she just gave me her number saying it would be easier to get a hold of her that way through text. We text, I set up a coffee date for the weekend,  I go pick her up (because of her school situation she doesn’t have a car) and we go grab coffee. Everything goes well and we cruise around the town until around 1 in the morning and I drop her off.

We text back and forth all day the following week and I arrange a more all day activity thing as a 2nd “date”. She suggests a double date with her friend and her friend’s boyfriend and I think it’s all good so I say yes. I pick them all up and we go bowling, grab dinner, and we drop her friends off and she and I head back to my place to watch a movie. We watch some movies, head to my bed and just fall asleep. No sex or anything. I got a good night kiss though.

We hang out all the next day and play video games, grabbed some lunch and some dinner later. Then I drop her off for the afternoon. So we’re texting and she asks what our relationship status is. I say I’d love to date her and she says she’d like that. Also, she’s putting in a ton of smiley faces and stuff in her texts. That was yesterday. I asked her what she thought about sex just because we were getting things clarified here. She said that she’d like to wait at least 6 months and I said I was cool with it and we’ll play things as they go and see what happens.

Fast forward to today and she’s taking a real long time to respond to texts. She just texted me saying that she’s been thinking about it and she might not be too interested in me. She says that things went too fast. And I say that she should think on it for a while and get back to me.

So what happened? It seems like she was totally into me. Into me to the point that I felt comfortable (and thought I was getting good responses from her) to go at the pace we were going at.

Could she just be under some stress from school and finals?

Let’s lay out exactly what you’re asking here:

1. Why did she lose interest?

2. If she was comfortable with the pace, why did she suddenly change her mind?

3. Is the reason she changed her mind related to stress surrounding school?

Now that we’ve laid out what you’re asking, let’s lay out the situation as neatly as possible.

You met on Tinder, exchanged messages, escalated to texting, then asked her out for a first date for coffee. Your coffee date turns into an all-night date that ends at 1 am. The next week, you text her all day, every day until your second date. The second date is a double-date with her friend her boyfriend. This second date also turns into an all-night date and she then spends the night. The next “date” is a continuation of the last date where you hang out for the day. After this, she asks to define where you see things going and you agree to start dating . You ask about sex, she tells you that she wants to wait six months and you say that’s okay. After this, she’s stopped responding as frequently to your texts. She then says that things have moved to fast and she’s actually not that interested in you.

Now that we’re on the same page as far as the facts go, let me tell you this right now and I’m going to be brutally honest with you:

She’s right.

You moved WAY too fast and too soon and tried to build a relationship on what amounts to 3 in person meetings, a couple of texts and chatting over Tinder. Building a relationship is like building a building. You do not build on a weak foundation, you build on a solid foundation. Whether inadvertently or not, you rushed through the “getting to know you” stage and jumped immediately into “I’d love to date you”. Ask yourself this:

Why? 

Why would you love to date her?

You had a couple good conversations over text, you made out a couple times,  and she seems nice. That’s cool and all but don’t you think after 3 dates maybe you’d need a little bit more than that to say that you’d love to date her?

To answer question #1, she lost interest for a number of reasons but if I had to guess, I would have to say that it was your eagerness to move so quickly. You met one of her friends on your second date on a double date! Who does that? You then agreed to wait 6 months to have sex. There’s nothing wrong with waiting that long to have sex, but why would you agree to that after 3 dates (one of which was a double date, the next one was hanging out and playing video games). You were so eager to commit to this girl who you literally have no connection with that it probably turned her off when she gave it some critical thought.

If you’re confused about her appearing to be comfortable with one pace then changing her mind (question #2), well that comes down to the old adage “too much of a good thing can be a bad thing”. You’d think that giving someone what they want, all the time, would turn out great but that isn’t always the case. Sometimes people want something, get it, then realize they don’t actually want it in the quantity they are receiving it or want it at all. Every kid would want to eat ice cream for every meal if they could, but they’d get sick if they actually did. You spoon-fed this girl everything she wanted, or you thought she wanted, and in the end it backfired.

As for question #3: Is she ending things because of stress from school/finals? I’m going to go out on a limb and say no. Everything you described above, from beginning to end, in no way says to me “She seems stressed out”. What it does show me is that you came on too strong, too early on, and she gave the situation a bit of critical thought and decided that she wasn’t interested. Simple as that.

My advice for you is simply to slow down if you hit it off. Here’s some basic rules to follow the next time you’re in a similar situation

1. Space out your communications early on

2. Don’t go on double dates/meet her friends until she’s your girlfriend

3. Don’t rush into dating someone just because you went on a few good dates.

Here’s hoping you don’t repeat the same mistakes with the next girl.

Good Luck Out There.

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