She’s perfect, but I’m “not her type”. Is there any hope?

Nickedcircle asks:

I’m a 22-year-old male and senior at my state’s flagship university. I’m graduating in a few weeks and landed a job in the college town that pays well and allows for me to enjoy the atmosphere for a while longer before I devote to medical school. My good friend, and roommate, started hanging or with a girl that we met a few years ago more frequently as of lately. However, he’s gay and they have become basically best friends. Well this girl is a senior as well (but is graduating late by a year or so) and she’s been to my house quite a lot recently. On top of being one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen, she is also one cool girl that’s always fun and is quite intelligent. Basically, I’ve almost fallen for this girl. My roommate is very aware that I have a crush on her, but he’s persistent in saying he won’t help and that he thinks it won’t work out cause I’m “not her type of guy.” Every time we hang out, I always have a great time with her and make her laugh, but I’ve always been too chicken-shit for some reason and haven’t made a move despite seeing that I could potentially pique her interest. The longer I prolong it, the more awkward it would be to make a move. And if it’s awkward, it might make my roommates friendship with her awkward as well, which I wouldn’t want to do either.

The odd thing is I’ve never had a problem asserting myself, although I’m the nerdy biology major, but I’m simply mesmerized by how perfect she is in many regards. And I’d consider myself attractive. So I guess I need advice about what to do? Anything. What I should possibly say? What to do to make sure things work out well? Anything cause the longer I wait, the more it digs me in a hole.That feelings that you’re feeling, hopelessness, apprehension and awkwardness, is more than likely a defense mechanism. Your brain is telling you time and time again that she’s not into you but you are living in denial. You are looking at a mountain of evidence that tells you one thing and saying “Nope, I still have a chance”. Time for some realness from your pseudo-older brother/dating expert: You’re wasting your time. You’re feeling hopeless because quite frankly, there is no hope. Nor should you be wasting your time hoping that this girl might change her mind, or that you can charm her into being into you because quite frankly, the proof is right in front of you.

Let’s assume that your roommate is a decent guy who has your best interests at heart. If your friend tells you that you’re not her type, why doubt him? That’s your first mistake. Why wouldn’t you assume that he hasn’t already asked her if you’re her type? Give your friend some credit man!

Maybe you’ve never experienced this but you can meet someone, they can seem amazing to you, you can make them laugh and have a great time with you and all that jazz and somehow, improbably, they simply are not attracted to you. It happens. It doesn’t matter how attractive you are, how well you’re doing in life, or how charming you are, you simply cannot be universally attractive to every person out there. The fact that you like this girl and think that she is perfect has no bearing on the fact that she probably doesn’t like you.

If you want my honest advice, just chalk this all up as a loss and move on. You can still be friends with her, hang out, and have a good time but it’s pretty clear to me that she isn’t all that interested in you. On the other hand, I get the feeling that you might be the stubborn type who thinks that even in the face of all of the evidence to the contrary, you still have a shot. I’ll humor you and tell you how to do it without making it awkward for your roomie, or for her.

1. Don’t ask her out, ask if she’s interested

I know it doesn’t sound like a huge difference, but what you’re going to want to do is ask if she’s interested as opposed to asking her out on a date. Yes it sounds similar but the difference is that asking her on a date requires a commitment based on time and place while the other is a bit less serious. “Would you be interested…” is a lot easier to give a tentative yes or no to than “Do you want to do this on this specific date and time”. Ask her if she’s interested in a way that doesn’t put pressure on her to say yes, and also reassure her that if she’s not interested it’s cool.

2. If she rejects you, respond gracefully

Your natural instincts might be to become defensive, or distant if she rejects you but I beg of you: DO NOT DO THIS. If she’s not interested, it’s not the end of the world. Treat her the same way you would before you tried asking her out. I’m going to say this again, if she does reject you

…and that’s it. It isn’t that difficult.

Good Luck Out There.

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