She’s in an Open Relationship and wants to sleepover. What’s next?

Mr10kaday asks:

So I met up with this girl for lunch, because we haven’t seen each other in a while. She was keen enough to organize hanging out.  While at lunch, I find out she’s in an open relationship with her boyfriend. She did touch my muscles during lunch. She did open up a lot during our conversation. Then she tells me her boyfriend is going to Greece for the holidays and partying. And then she says she’ll be all alone at home and she’s “afraid of the dark” (she’s 18-19 by the way), so I suggest a sleepover and she says YES, almost yelling it out. Can I assume we’re going to be having sex or should I proceed with caution?

Demetrius says:

I appreciate a concise question like any other advice giver out there, but I feel like there is SO MUCH going on in this situation.

For starters I want to be clear when I say that I have absolutely nothing against non-traditional relationships. Open-relationships are cool for the folks who are in them, and there isn’t anything particularly wrong with them, but this situation seems a bit fishy.

Here’s how I see it:

  • You meet up with a girl for lunch, who you haven’t seen in awhile
  • She organized the lunch
  • While at lunch you find out she’s in an open relationship
  • Her boyfriend is traveling soon and she hinted that she wanted to sleepover
  • You invited her over for a sleepover and she gave an enthusiastic YES

Again, just want to reiterate that I’m not against Open-Relationships but this seems really really suspect. You haven’t seen her in a very long time then out of the blue, right before her boyfriend is traveling out of town, she reaches out to setup a lunch where she casually mentions that she’s in an open relationship and strongly hints that she wants to spend the night with you. Either you have the best timing in the world or things aren’t on the up and up.  All I’m saying is, I’d be wary about the situation because of the timing.

To answer your actual question:

Can I assume we’re going to be having sex or should I proceed with caution?

It’s a safe bet to assume that you’ll be having sex, but you should proceed with caution. If you’re the type who doesn’t care about infidelity, proceed with no caution at all besides using condoms. If you’re concerned about her overall truthfulness you could ask her about it, or ask her boyfriend if they’re in an open relationship. Sometimes “open relationship” is code for “I’m in an open relationship, my partner is not” so if you’re concerned about that potentially being the case (it definitely sounds to me like it is) you can ask her if that is the case. What you decide to do, and if you ultimately believe her or not is up to you, but yeah, it’s 99% likely that she wants to have sex with you. Otherwise, why bring up the fact that she’s in an open-relationship at all?

Ultimately, it’s your decision on whether or not you even want to check if she’s being honest and it’s not your job to do so. If you take her at her word, are a consenting adult, and use plan on using protection I say go for it.

Good Luck Out There.

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