We’ve reconnected on Facebook. What steps do I take to get him on a date?

 AmandaEatsJelly asks:

Me and this guy were friends in middle school. He moved away during high school and we stopped talking (Facebook wasn’t super popular at this time). I was with a boy for a few years so I never added this guy. I always thought he was cute and funny, we laughed a lot. I added him on Facebook but he’s hardly on or posts.

We’ve talked a couple times.We both play video games and were supposed to play the other night(he asked me to) but I was a dummy and didn’t so he started playing with other friends. I want us to talk more but I’m not sure how to get his attention. I want to give him my number without being creepy. So we can start talking more and maybe hang out. What steps should I take? We’re both 20, out of school so right now I only have contact with him over facebook.

How can I get his attention when he’s hardly on? Also don’t want to be friendzoned.

Demetrius says:

There are two things I want to tell you before we start. The first is this, remember that there are very few actions that you can do when it comes to dating that are inherently “creepy” as you put it. How your actions are perceived is entirely dependent on the level of affection and attraction you have with someone. If you’ve known someone for a long time and are attracted to them, if they used a term of endearment to refer to you it’s charming and sweet, but if you met them 5 minutes ago it’s sort of creepy. The next thing I want you to remember is that there are no guarantees whatsoever that if you follow someone’s steps 1 through whatever that you will never fall into the friendzone. For all you know, you’re already in the friendzone, and by friendzone I mean that he isn’t particularly attracted to you, but would be open to being your friend. What I’m saying is, for this advice and the future, please remember any steps you take are to be considered  best practices and not guarantees. They might work, but we can’t control how this guy, or any person, will feel about you.

With all the warnings out-of-the-way, I would encourage directness as your strategy. I’m all in favor of playing it cool and coming off as nonplussed, but now is not the time for that. You want to be as direct as possible, but that doesn’t mean that you need to show your hand early on. Right now you have no real clue if he likes you or not, so directness wont be that you ask him out over Facebook, but it will be asking him to meet up soon to catch up. There isn’t any particular way to do it, no special tricks here, just tell him Hey, we should hang out sometime soon if you’re interested. Here’s my number so we can figure something out. Outside of that, there isn’t much else to say or do. It’s not weird to try to reconnect with someone you’ve known for half of your life, so don’t have the thought in your head that it might be weird. There really isn’t a better way to get someones attention on Facebook besides messaging them, especially  if that’s your only way to contact him.

As for trying to avoid the friendzone, well, I’ve written quite a bit, and podcasted quite a bit about the friendzone, but I’ll avoid rehashing things I’ve said in the past. I’m guessing that when you talk about being “friendzoned” you’re assuming that there is a 50/50 chance that you will be friendzoned based solely on how you communicate your attraction to this guy. The best way to avoid being friendzoned is by communicating your attraction so he at least knows you’re into him. You don’t need to rush to do this via Facebook, just do it in person, IF you hit it off in person. Remember, it’s possible that you’re already in the friendzone because he’s never considered you as anything more than a friend.

There isn’t much else to do really. No major steps, no serious strategies. Just give him your number, try to initiate a hang out, and during the hang out let him know you’re interested in him.

Good Luck Out There.

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