Is there a way to recover from a bad ending to a date?

Rockabillyqueer asks:

Went on a second date Saturday. Thing seemed to go pretty well, I’d met him online and we’d messaged back and forth a good amount between our first date and our second. He drove me home, I had had two glasses of wine and it was probably more than I should have. He asked if he should come up, I asked if he wanted to come up, he said we should probably wait until next time. We kissed a few times and I went inside. Because I’m rusty and just such an idiot, I texted him a bit later saying how it drove me crazy (in a good way) that he didn’t try to go home with me but only made me like him more, how most guys always try even though I say no, I’m intrigued by his not trying. It was jumbled and I’m sure I came off wrong, maybe rambled a bit, he responded kind of awkwardly by saying we should take things slow.

The next day I was SO mad at myself, I don’t normally get drunk off 2 glasses of wine but I was just tipsy enough and happy enough to make a dumb decision. I texted him saying “Hey, sorry for any awkwardness last night, I guess I was just nervous” and got no response. He’s been looking at my snapchat stories (which means nothing but like, I don’t know, I felt inclined to say).

It’s only been a day, I know the best course of action is to say nothing and see if he contacts me. However, I’m wondering whether in a week or so, if he hasn’t contacted me, there was a way I could ask him out again? Kind of a ‘Hey wanna grab a drink tonight? I was hoping to redeem my Saturday night awkwardness’? I’m interested in this guy, I’d hate to think I just totally ruined it in a dumb moment. Plus I figure if he says no or something, at least I can like, stop wondering if he’ll ever contact me.

Any advice would be amazing.

Demetrius says:

Alright you rockabilly queer, I’m going to answer your general question, and your specific-to-your-situation questions.

Yes you can recover from a bad ending to a date.

Now, if YOU specifically can is a whole other story. I think right now your odds are low that you’ll be able to recover with this guy, but it’s not impossible. I’ll level with you and say that viewing the snapchat stories isn’t the strongest sign, nor is the fact that he hasn’t replied to your initial apology text. Still, you can try to recover, and it wont take much effort.

Most people, myself included, have had a date go not-as-good as they would hope. In my experience, you should try to apologize after an awkward or bad ending to a date as soon as possible and make sure your apology is short, sweet, and to the point. Don’t spend too much time apologizing, just make sure it gets to the point of what you’re apologizing about, but don’t turn into a whole essay. You got the apology out of the way pretty early, which was smart, though I would suggest that when you apologize in the future you take any words out that sound like you’re not that committed to the apology. “I guess I was just nervous” is fine, but saying “I was really nervous” sounds a bit more like you’re owning the apology. It’s not an exact science, but implying accountability when apologizing can never hurt.

If you don’t hear back from him, you really risk absolutely nothing by asking him out again. Worst case scenario is that he says no, or ignores you. Best case scenario?A Do-Over Date! Here’s what you can do. In your text to try to get another date, be sure to stress how eager you are to see him again, and then recommend a date that you think we good be fun for both of you. Because he wants to take things slow, I’d avoid any dates that imply that you might hook up after the date ends, like a wild night of drinking. Instead, suggest a nice day date or afternoon date. Nothing says “I’m in no rush to get you in bed” like a wholesome picnic in a park, or going to a museum. No one gets drunk and has sex after a day at the museum.

Beyond this, there isn’t much else to try to do. You’ve already apologized, so now all that’s left for you is to suggest another date and hope he’s still interested. If he isn’t, don’t worry, because honestly it really wasn’t that awkward. If he wants to drop you because you suggested that you’d like from him to come up to your place he might not be the guy for you. I didn’t mention it up top but if someone asked me if I wanted to come up to myplace, then said it’s a bad idea, I wouldn’t think I was the awkward one, I’d think they just changed their mind. He asked if he should come up, you asked if he wanted to, then suddenly he is mister “I like to take things slow“? He was either testing you, or got cold feet. Either way, it only became awkward because of what he said, not what you did. If he doesn’t follow-up with you I’m sure there will be plenty of people who will want to get a drink or two with you.

Good Luck Out There.

 

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