I’m a bit naive, is she into me?

Infectednarwhal asks: 

When I first met her at a senior high school function, she handed me her phone out of the blue to add myself on her facebook. Since then we have talked for over a week. Her behaviour as follows (p.s. i have only selected a few signs that i feel are relevant):

  1. Initially responded instantly and sometimes would talk until 2am
  2. Told me about her favourite food when I asked and proceeded to tell me about her favourite restaurants
  3. Always talks about how dumb and lazy she is when she probably isn’t
  4. Invited me to like a facebook page of a restaurant that she probably likes
  5. Now she is not as responsive. Sometimes waits the next day to answer.

Is this one of those stupid games that girls play? I have literally not acted in any way that is negative nor have i really explicitly stated my interest. What do?


Demetrius says:

Before I start answering whether or not the signs you listed above are signs of attraction or not, I think I want to talk to you about a certain philosophy of attraction. You’re a youngin’, so let me school you real quick. Some people think of attraction or someone being “into them” is very binary. Someone is either into you or not. I can tell based on your question that you’re probably the sort of proof person that believes in a binary system of attraction, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. You just need to bear in mind that some people think of attraction as an ever evolving state that can grow or diminish.

For many people, attraction isn’t an off and on switch, it’s more like a thermostat. They got hot for you, they grow cold on you, and once you get them “hot”, they grow more attracted to you, but if you do something that makes them “cold” maybe they lose attraction and start to show it, like not responding as quickly for example. I find that these types are most often found in heterosexual women (based on my experience as a cisgender heterosexual man) and I find that the on/off switch type or often heterosexual men. Not always the case of course, and there are some folks who fall into neither type of course, but it’s something to bear in mind.

Why I brought it up is that it’s entirely possible AND probable that this girl is the thermostat type. Which means that she could both be into you and simultaneously not completely into you. First, let’s see what each of those signs mean.

  1. This is a sign that she’s into you
  2. This is a sign that she’s into you
  3. Neither a positive or negative sign
  4. Neither a positive or negative sign
  5. This is a sign that she’s losing interest

Now, I didn’t number it because you didn’t consider it a sign, but the fact that she manually added you to her facebook is a sign that she’s into you. The thing is, because she aggressively pursued you, and it’s been about a week or so, it’s possible that she’s starting to lose interest because you haven’t taken the next step. You mention that there were more signs so it’s entirely possible that she was basically begging you to take her out, and you didn’t pick up on that. Once a week or so passed, and she realized that her aggressive pursuit of you was not yielding results, she lost a bit of interest. I don’t think she’s playing games (also, get the idea that girls play games out of your head. PEOPLE play games, not just girls) and trust me, your lack of asking her out is in fact acting negatively, despite the fact that you think you haven’t acted negatively.

The best way to make sure she doesn’t completely lose interest is simple. Ask her out. Explicitly state your interest. Now, what you should ask her to do? I dunno man, I haven’t been a teenager for a very long time, maybe take her out for a phosphate soda and take her to a picture show? Whatever you decide to do or say, do it soon, and make your interest explicitly clear, or risk turning her cold forever.

Good Luck Out There.

2 Replies to “I’m a bit naive, is she into me?”

  1. You hit the nail on the head. From a women’s perspective…we will do as much a possible to show a guy we are interested but if he doesn’t bite…we aren’t really going to make a fool out of ourselves and face more direct rejection. I am so over talkers…they, talk and talk and talk but never ask you out ever ! It is beyond irritating. So ask her out…then you’ll have your answer

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    1. Yeah it just go back to the fact that guys are kind of oblivious when it comes to anything even remotely subtle. They don’t know you’re interested until you say “Let’s have sex” half the time, so sometimes they take way too long to ask you out. I can’t even tell you how many men ask me 1 of the Million variations on “Is this a sign that she’s into me” and it’s always SOOOOOO obvious that she is…or she was at least.

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