Is this a hopeless situation or is it still saveable?

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grasshoppers88 asks:
This new guy at my school, he was really cute so I wanted to meet him. But instead of meeting him the normal way, I accidentally got really drunk at a party and made out with him. Later he wanted me to go home with him. But I said no. Now I see him at school everyday and it’s really awkward, he won’t talk to me, I think he’s avoiding me or he hates me, I don’t know. But I can’t ignore my huge crush on him, and I really do want to talk to him, but things have been awkward since we met so I don’t know what to do. I try to approach him by myself but I always chicken out. I don’t know what to do. Its been a month since that incident. Is there any way I can still get him to talk to me and like me and hang out with me, or is it too late and too weird at this point?


 

Demetrius says:

Oh sweetie, I have some terrible news for you. Please brace yourself, okay?

Alright, ready?

This guy is an asshole.

I know, I know, you like him, he’s so cute and you just want to talk to him and be around him and you have a huge crush and OMG you’d be so cute together and he’s perfect for you and he gives you butterflies…. BUT….let’s look at things from an outsider’s perspective. He met you at a party, you made out with him, he tried to take you home, you refused, and now when you see him he ignores you. I’m sure before all this happened he seemed like a great guy, but think about that sequence of events and de-personalize the situation a bit. He tried to take a girl home after meeting her at a party and after she refused to go home with him after making out with him, he’s ignored her when he sees her in person. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like something an asshole would do.

Do you think that if you’d gone home with him that night that he would be ignoring you? I’m going to go out on a very sturdy limb and say “Yes“. This is purely conjecture (based on years and years of experience and anecdotal accounts) but let me let you in a little secret. Men and women hold men and women to different standards when it comes to sexual contact. A large number of people think, for some backwards ass reason, that a woman who is willing to initiate any sort of sexual contact, including kissing, within a short time frame is a woman of low value. It’s why so many men and women think that a woman who sleeps with a guy on the first date is a “Slut” or a “Whore” or “Easy“. Maybe he doesn’t think that about you using those specific terms,but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t respect you. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself a simple question: Why would a guy who made out with me one night not want to speak to me the next day?

I want to be clear here: There is nothing wrong with what you did, and he’s a dick. There is nothing wrong with kissing someone you find attractive as long as they consent. It doesn’t matter if it happens within 1 date or 1 hour of meeting. I just so happen to be the sort of sex-positive guy who discourages slut-shaming and I think that the fact that we applaud men who are promiscuous while denigrating women who own their sexuality is complete and utter bullshit, but that’s just me. I don’t know if it’s “most” people, but a significant number of people love to slut-shame women because of their *perceived* promiscuity, or the fact that they own their sexuality. Some women are slut-shamed for having married multiple men, some women are slut-shamed based solely on their bodies, some women are slut-shamed for having lots of male friends, and yes, some women are slut-shamed for initiating sexual contact of any kind with a guy. Even though you didn’t go home with this guy, it’s entirely possible (and probable) that once you made out with him, he decided that you weren’t deserving of respect or basic human decency. Which is complete bullshit.

Back to your actual question: Can you save this situation? Maybe. Should you? Hell no! This guy is human trash. You need to find a cute guy who also respects you and your right to sexual autonomy. The fact that he showed his true colors early on should be considered a blessing. You just saved yourself a lot of time wondering what his deal is. If you think I’m wrong, feel free to wait for him to approach you to ask you out on a date. Not a Netflix and chill date, an actual date. I’d love to be wrong, but sweetie, I can promise you that I’m not.

There are plenty of fish in the sea and a lot of them won’t ignore you after you kiss them, So go kiss them and stop thinking about this dude. He’s trash for ignoring you and you deserve way better.

Good Luck Out There.

7 Replies to “Is this a hopeless situation or is it still saveable?”

  1. HA! I disagree with Demetrius again. (Respectfully, he’s awesome)

    I’d say there’s a chance he was also interested and is afraid he made an ass out of himself. He felt rejected when she didn’t go home with him. He’s likely equally insecure and unsure of himself and could be interpreting her awkward distance as further rejection.

    The only way to find out if he’s an asshole or a sweet guy who also drank too much and is intimidated by a beautiful woman is to get the guts to talk to him sober. If he brushes you off, he’s an asshole, but there’s a good chance he will blush adorably, smile huge and be enormously relieved that YOU don’t hate him.

    It’s the only way to find out. Over analyzing just wastes time.

    Kitten

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