We’ve been Dating for 2 months, why is she ignoring my texts?

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textthrowaway6 asks:

So I’ve been dating a girl for about 2 months or so. We’re both in our early 20s and have been on 5ish dates. About two weeks ago, I had asked her where we stand. If she was looking for friendship or a relationship. She replied “I want to keep getting to know you, and I think we make a good match.”. Fast forward to Halloween, we met up for a party at her friend’s house. She cuddled with me on the couch the entire time. Before leaving for the night we kissed a few times and said goodbye. I haven’t heard from her since Halloween. Yesterday I texted her asking if she still had something I may have left in her car. She hasn’t replied to me.

It’s unlike her to not reply to my texts. She’s done it once before, but it wasn’t a text that really need responding to. Normally, we initiate a short (2-3) text conversation every other day or so. Neither of us are big texters, so it’s mostly been a medium for me to set up dates. I’m concerned that she may be losing interest or has met someone else. She’s never on her phone when we’re together though. The last date I asked her on, she brought her best friend with her, and the one before that (which was only a quick-lunch) she ended rather early.

We still kiss whenever we see each other (just goodbye pecks, nothing major). But still, I’m worried. I really like her and am afraid I screwed up somewhere.


Demetrius says:

There really are 3 types of reactions people have to things not working out in dating: Blame yourself 100% of the time, Blame the other person 100% of the time, and the third option where people think of their situation critically and realize that most situations in dating are a bit more nuanced then “They screwed things up!” or “I screwed things up!”. I’m thinking you default to the“I screwed things up!” mentality, so let me just give you some reasons why she might be ignoring your texts and where you may have screwed up.

  • She lost interest and you didn’t screw up

Crazy right? You’d think it’d be a longer list based on your situation, but no, it really isn’t that complicated.You didn’t “screw up” because really, screwing up in dating involves making a mistake on your part, and based on what you’ve described about the situation, I’m not seeing anything that could be considered a “screw up”. You did everything “right” because you were honest, you asked where things were going, you reached out, you showed interest, all the things that you can do right when it comes to dating. The problem is, she just wasn’t as interested as you were, and/or she lost interest. There is no right or wrong in a situation like yours. You probably weren’t a good fit, or she wasn’t that attracted to you, so she’s decided to passive aggressively reject you rather than being direct.

Look at the sequence of events objectively:

You’ve been on 5 dates over a period of 2 months. In that time, she’s ignored you a few times when you reach out to her, and at least two of your “Dates” weren’t actually dates. You’ve been dating her for two months and when you see her and part ways you give each other goodbye pecks. 

It’s pretty clear that she’s done with you, and if you’re looking at your situation pragmatically, you weren’t really “dating“. What’s also pretty clear is that you didn’t do anything to screw things up, unless you’ve left out some major details. You sound like a decent person who pursued a girl who lost interest in you, simple as that. It’s not your fault things didn’t work out and it’s also not her fault she’s not interested in dating you. What is her fault is the passive aggressive rejection, but people suck and there’s not much you can do about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

This has happened to me, I dunno, dozens of times and let’s be honest with each other, I’ve probably done the same thing dozens of times to dozens of women (If you’re reading this and you’re one of those women, sorry. To not be direct in rejecting you was cowardly on my part. You deserved better treatment than that. My sincerest apologies). The passive aggressive rejection is a part of dating culture, whether we like it or not, and that’s what happened here. People usually do this when they’re seeing someone and they don’t click, but don’t necessarily think they’re a bad person. Because you did everything right, it was probably harder for her to just flat-out tell you that she wasn’t interested, so instead of doing that she’s hoping that by creating distance you’ll lose interest in seeing her move on. Which, you should do by the way.

Don’t waste time worrying about what you did wrong because a) it doesn’t look like you did anything wrong and b) speculating about what you did wrong is a waste of energy. Instead, move on, don’t acknowledge her flaky behavior, and find someone who, at minimum, will reject you directly if they’ve lost interest.

Good Luck Out There.

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