My boyfriend “liked” a girl’s sexy picture on Facebook. Should I be concerned?

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Thebushido asks:

My boyfriend went on a trip to glacier national park with one of his friends to see that friends girlfriend. I was unable to go because of work and what not. While he was there he met a girl (his friends girlfriends friend) and a couple other people. Normally it wouldn’t bother me if he liked a girls picture, but this picture was from a couple years ago, so he had to have been looking through her pictures to find it. She is a lot like me and likes a lot of the things that he finds attractive in me. She reads, hula-hoops, hikes, etc. all of which are things he finds attractive about me. Should I be concerned? He added the guy he met up at glacier as well and didn’t like any of his pictures from two years ago


Demetrius says:

Okay this might sound like a weird question but, one of the things your boyfriend likes about you is that you hula-hoop? Is he like, a professional or recreational hula-hooper or something? That is such a specific thing to like about a person that I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a euphemism, or if you literally mean that your adeptness at making a circular object rotate around parts of your body is something he put in the plus column. Is it just cool carny skills in general, or skills that require strong core muscles? Inquiring minds wants to know.

Back on topic, how important is it that he liked an attractive girl’s photo on Facebook?  I would say, he probably has liked the photos of quite a few attractive women on Facebook, but maybe you don’t necessarily find them attractive. The line for most straight men for attractive is “I would sleep with her” or “I wouldn’t ever sleep with her” so odds are pretty good that he’s liked the picture of at least one woman he’s found attractive while you’ve been dating. Chances are good that you’ve liked a guy’s picture who you find attractive while you’ve been dating him, or even a girl’s picture you find attractive. Someone being attractive doesn’t mean that you want to date them. I think Beyonce is attractive but I don’t want to date her, because she’s married. I also think that Gigi Hadid is attractive, but I wouldn’t want to date her because…have you ever tried dating a model, let alone a famous one? Or a woman 10 years younger than you? Ugh, way too much work! No thanks Gigi Hadid, NOT INTERESTED.

My point is, a “like” on Facebook or Instagram can be meaningless. What matters is the intent behind someone’s social media activity and any patterns that may emerge. Let’s imagine the scenario of your boyfriend’s glacier trip. I’m your boyfriend and I met a girl through friends and we had such a great time that I friend her on Facebook. Since Facebook is a nosy busybody, it shows me the recent activity of my new friend and their friends, so if someone recently liked one of their older pictures, or if they themselves recently liked or commented on an older picture, it shows up at the top of my feed. I see this picture, not realizing how long ago it was posted, and like it. Alternatively, She’s a new friend and I’m curious about her. I scroll through the photos of her, see one that looks cool, and like it. Or it was in a specific album that didn’t require a lot of scrolling. What I’m saying is, it’s entirely possible that him liking a picture of an attractive girl was harmless, even if the picture is from a couple years ago. It’s also possible that it wasn’t harmless, but that’s where recognizing whether an event is part of a pattern comes into play.

So he meets a girl, he likes her picture, and then nothing else happens that seems suspicious or bothers you? Cool, nothing to worry about! If he starts showing a clear pattern of interest, whether it’s tagging her in things, liking all her photos, commenting on all her statuses, things like that, there might be something there. At that point, you need to bring it up. You can even frame it like this “This might sound petty, but I’ve noticed that you’ve made this new friend and the amount of contact you have on social media is making me uncomfortable, can we talk about this?”. I’ve written before about letting social media ruin your relationship, and there are some great tips in that post (and not just about Facebook), so you should check it out if it’s not just limited to Facebook.

I think if you have an open discussion,without  accusations or demands,  you’ll find that if he’s a keeper, he’ll tone things down (if it gets to the point where it’s a pattern). Chances are equally as good that it’s a one-off thing, and if that’s the case, don’t sweat it. It’s not petty to worry that your partner’s eye might be wandering a bit, especially if the person in question is attractive. Just try avoid jumping to a larger conclusion based on one small bit of evidence that might mean nothing. If they start texting, chatting everyday, liking each other’s posts and commenting on a consistent basis, okay sure, worry a little. If it’s a one-off “this was a cool picture so I’ll like it”, don’t sweat it.

Good Luck Out There.

 

3 Replies to “My boyfriend “liked” a girl’s sexy picture on Facebook. Should I be concerned?”

    1. I think that no matter what, people will be insecure. The internet and social media have just changed what we’re insecure about. In middle school, it was that the girl wouldn’t check “Yes” on my “do you like me note”. As an adult, it’s “She ghosted on me”. I’m sure if we went back to the 1950s in America it would have something to do with Letterman jackets, or wearing pins, or who knows what else. I do think it’s easier to become insecure online because of how easy it is to see the things that might upset you though. That might be worth a post.

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