Should I wait until the end of the semester to Text her?

 

person-woman-apple-iphoneJoshAdvice asks:

I’ve known this girl (she’s 21f, I’m 18m) for 2 years and we recently have been going on dates the past month. She said she liked how things were going but didn’t want to rush into a relationship. Last week she said she wanted to focus on school and said we can hang out after the semester. Since then I’ve only texted her once and the past 3 days I’ve sent her good morning texts with only one reply on the first day telling me that it’s cute. I hate not being able to talk to her but I feel like I’m being the clingy one now because she was the clingy one in the beginning. I’m not sure if I should try to talk to her or just wait out till the end of next week when the semester ends for her. I’m sure I’m over thinking this A LOT but I can’t help it when she doesn’t even respond to my texts for a couple of days.


Demetrius says:

I love these sort of questions because there is a very clear timeline of what happened. Let’s lay it out:

  • You’ve been on several dates in the past month
  • Initially, she was clingy, now you feel like you might be the clingy one
  • She told you that she didn’t want to rush a relationship
  • She also told you that she is unavailable until the end of the semester (which is in about a week or so)

I’m thinking that somewhere along the lines she lost interest in dating you and is politely rejecting you using the semi-true excuse of “I’m busy” or, less likely and entirely possible, she genuinely is busy.

Here’s why I think she might have lost interest. I see this pattern a lot in the early stages of dating. Hot and heavy at first, then one person says “I don’t want to rush things” even if neither person has discussed getting into a relationship, then that person throws themselves into their work/school/extracurricular with a newfound fervor. I think I’ve even answered a version of this question before, maybe a couple of times over the past year, because it’s so common. I wouldn’t be surprised if, at the end of the semester, she still isn’t responding to your texts, and wants to hang out less and less, and eventually does this weird, quasi-breakup and expects you to just roll with it.  I could be wrong, and she could be genuinely busy. But if I had to give you odds on whether or not she’s actually busy, I’d say you’ve got a 10% chance. Sorry kid, them’s the breaks.

With that said, your question wasn’t about what your odds are of continuing to date her, you wanted to know if you should wait until the end of the semester to text her. The answer is No, you shouldn’t wait a week to send her a text, but you should have a very specific text in mind when you do reach out. Good morning texts are cute and all, but unless there is something substantive tied to it, they are sort of pointless in the early stages of dating. Good morning texts are great in relationships, but a few dates in, a good morning text should be followed up with a “let’s make plans to hang out” text. I think you should text her, just once, before the semester ends and this is what you should say (or you know, adapt it to your own speech patterns)

“Hey, I know you’re super busy so I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I’m looking forward to seeing you when the semester ends. See you soon”

That’s all you have to say. Once you send that text, go full on radio silence until she responds when she’s free. If I’m wrong and she is actually busy, you’re respecting her busyness and giving her some space to get through with the semester while also conveying that you still want to see her. If I’m right and this is all one big blow-off, she wont get back to you, but at least you’ll know you gave it an honest shot and put the ball back in her court.

I’m a big believer in reciprocity in dating. If she’s genuinely busy and wants to see you, she’ll get back to you if she’s actually interested. If she’s not interested, you know that you tried and you don’t have to agonize over any mistakes you may have made.

Good Luck Out There.

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