Need advice: Am I being needy or pushy?

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mofoloco asks:

I met this girl early December through a friend, and I got her number. I asked her to hangout, but both times she was busy with family. Fast forward to about two weeks ago she contacted me after I hadn’t spoken to her in a month. We finally saw each other two weekends ago and this past weekend I slept over at her place. We were suppose to hangout the following day, but something came up with her family. I asked to see her twice after that but she was busy with work. I kinda want to call her tomorrow, and see if we could set up something for next week. Would that be too pushy? By the way she’s a pharmacist, so her schedule can be hectic.


Demetrius says:

Hmm, this one is tough. On the one hand, when someone is “busy” with family, friends, or other obligations as frequently as this, I usually am a little wary. The fact that you met, she got busy, then actually followed up on dates after she said she was busy makes the situation a bit more complicated. It’s possible that she is genuinely busy when she says she’s busy, but I guess what you she does next will determine her level of interest. I don’t think anything you’ve done so far is either needy or pushy, though. You’ve tried to get her to hang out, you’ve been persistent in showing her interest, but not necessarily pushy, and hung out a few times that seem to have gone well. All in all you’ve done the right things so far, so staying the course wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

I don’t think calling someone to set up a date is pushy, not in this situation at least. I think that depending on your age, or even the receptiveness of the person receiving the call, it’ll come off as either quaint, cute, or a bit antiquated but not needy or pushy. What would be needy or pushy is if you plan on calling her, but only after you’ve already reached and she never got back to you. If you reached out the last few times and she responded saying she was busy, calling wouldn’t be needy or pushy.

To avoid seeming either needy or pushy, call during a time of day when she isn’t likely to be working. You mentioned that she’s a pharmacist, so I’m pretty sure that while her schedule is hectic, she’s probably not pulling overnights. I could be wrong, but I’d guess she works a schedule that fluctuates in terms of days that she works, not necessarily hours. I think you’d be safe if you called her around 9pm. If you don’t reach her, leave her a voicemail. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Here’s a good example: “Hey, was calling to see if you were free next week because I’d love to take you out again”. Simple as that. Once that call and voicemail happens, the ball is in her court.

Beyond that, I think if you stay the course and continue to respect her space you’ll be fine. You only come off as pushy or needy when you’re trying to get more from a person than they want to give. If you’re respecting her time and the fact that she’s busy, you’ll be fine.

Good Luck Out There.

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