We had a fight, now she’s ignoring me. What’s my next move?

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Ajh91481 asks:

I have been dating a girl for five months and everything was going great. Two weeks ago we got in to our first argument and unfortunately it happened in front of a bunch of our friends. I was in the wrong and have done everything I can to make peace. Still two weeks later the girl will not talk to me.

A two-week freeze out is an overreaction to what happened. Friends that were there think she is being ridiculous and needs to sit down and work this out with me. A mutual friend (who we met through) has sat the girl down and told her to talk to me (she did this on her own). Still nothing. I have sent flowers and a card. I sent a couple of cute text messages. Nothing. I am spacing this out and not annoying the girl every day.

Anything else that I can do? The initial argument was a ME problem but it has now shifted to a HER problem. Not talking this out is killing me. I want to be able to grab her attention but won’t harness the girl to do it. Thanks in advance for your advice.


Demetrius says:

This is a great question mainly because it really can go both ways. I can either give you advice on how to handle this situation so that your relationship progresses, or I can tell you to say “Meh” and move on. I’ll be honest and say that I’m leaning toward “Meh“.

Five months into a relationship isn’t necessarily a long time, but it helps to show you where the relationship is headed. So, five months in and you’ve had a big blow up and it’s turned into two weeks of no contact initiated and continued by her. Instead of communicating and saying “I’m pissed off, I need some time”, she’s acting like a child who is pouting in the corner. I’ve encountered this sort of behavior before and it infuriates me and to be honest, I’m angry for you.  If you’re done with someone, say you’re done and move on. If you’re pissed off, say you’re pissed off and that you need time. This weird in-between radio silence thing is not only immature, it’s something only a trash person would do. It’s just such a petty thing to do because it doesn’t leave any room for progression. If she’s mad but would be amenable to reconciliation, how does a freeze out lead toward reconciliation? If she’s done dating you, what does the freeze out do except waste your time? You’d think 150 days of dating would count for something, like giving you the common courtesy of a terse communication at the very least, but apparently not. I understand the freeze out on a small-scale, like a day or two, but two weeks? Two weeks after dating for 5 months? Nope. That’s just lame and immature.

If you’re dead set on fixing it, I hate to break it to you, but there isn’t much more you can do. You’ve tried to reach out directly and apologize, you’ve tried to reach out through 3rd parties, you sent tokens of apologies, tried to rekindle things and you’re getting nothing. At this point, short of pulling a straight-from-the-movies-grand-gesture-apology, your options are limited. If you haven’t already I guess the best thing to do (if you actually want to reconnect) would be to call and leave a voicemail asking if you can reconcile. If you haven’t done so already, explicitly apologize and state your willingness to talk. While it is bothering you that she wont communicate with you, don’t mention that in the call, because it’d be unproductive. Accept blame formally if you haven’t done so already and see where things go from there. Either she replies or she doesn’t, but beyond that there isn’t much that you can do.

That said, I’d probably cut my loses at this point and move on. Communication is important to me, and it should be for you and pretty much anyone who dates, and the idea of dating someone who thinks that two weeks of silence is productive is not something I would recommend to anyone. There is no way that after two-weeks of radio silence I would think this relationship was worth salvaging. You might think that’s drastic, but consider the fact that this is your first fight and she’s cut off contact after the fight. That means that for her, radio silence after an argument is a first option. Not a second option after she tried to explain why you upset her and you’ve been obstinate, or a third option after everything else is failing, her go-to  move when she has an argument is to cut off contact. Here’s a secret: if you continue to date her, this will not be your last argument, and this probably wont be the last time she pulls this crap. Can you imagine a year from now when you have an argument and she goes radio silent for who knows how long? How crappy will that be? I think that this a behavior she thinks is acceptable in adult relationships and it’s not. I’d drop her just as quickly as she went radio silent.

If you do decide it’s worth the hassle of seeing things through, your best bet is to make that call, apologize, ask if she’s open to reconciliation and leave that as your last communication. If she get’s back to you, I guess try to reconcile. I’d advise against it, because she sounds like a child, but you do you.

Good Luck Out There.

4 Replies to “We had a fight, now she’s ignoring me. What’s my next move?”

  1. Yeah its a lost cost. Some women will drag it out just because they can. He is better letting her contact him if she wants to make anything happened. I mean 2 weeks is a bit much. Now let me be clear I’ve dated and had my share of arguments and fights but no contact at all for a full 2 weeks means shes over it and him

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