Do men freak out when a woman says she hasn’t had sex in a while?


nufing asks:

So came out of a long, dead-bedroom relationship. Met some new hot guy. I’d seen him around for a bit and we perved at each other for a while, then I finally gave him my number. We met up, and after some decent conversation he basically went in for a kiss and it caught me off guard. So I explained to him I haven’t had sex for a couple of years and that I’m not looking for anything serious. He also told me he hasn’t had time for a girlfriend, which I took as a good thing. But now I’m feeling like a desperate idiot for saying I haven’t had sex for a while. We had a hot make out session though.

How do men react to that?

Demetrius says:

As the Lorax for Men, I can tell you that the answer as to whether or not a man would freak out when told of your dry spell is Yes/No/Maybe.

Seriously though, if I could speak for some men, or the infinite amount of possibilities to your question about whether or not a guy would freak out if you told him you hadn’t had sex in a couple of years I would say this: Some men are going to feel a certain amount of pressure to perform upon hearing that. Some men will feel nonplussed. Some men will be indifferent. Some men will be turned on by this. Some men will assume that you do not enjoy sex. And some men will…run out of hypothetical scenarios and just write this sentence to fill space. Seriously though, telling 100 men about your years of being in the no-bone-zone might garner you 100 different responses.

If this scenario happened to me, my response would be “Oh wow. Why is that?”. I’m an inquisitive sort and I also am the type of person who probably couldn’t go a year without sex unless there was a very specific reason why, so I would be very curious above all else. Maybe you’ve got Vulvodynia, or maybe you’re a born-again Christian who is re-saving herself for marriage. Who knows what the case might be, but I’d be dying to find out why. If I was in this guy’s shoes and you told me the lack of sex was due to a dead-bedroom relationship, I wouldn’t freak out in the slightest. Feel sympathetic? Sure. But besides that, I’d just shrug and say that I’m happy your single so you can have more sex. Because sex is great, and I’m a big fan of it.

What was this guy feeling after you told him? I don’t know much about the guy in question, but based on his response I would say that he doesn’t actually care all that much. When you told him you hadn’t had sex in a couple of years, but you’re not looking for anything serious,  his reply was about his not wanting anything serious as well. You know what he didn’t do? Freak out about your dry spell. I don’t think you should feel desperate, because you weren’t exactly begging for the eggplant emoji or anything, just being open and honest with someone you’re probably going to have sex with.

Here’s a great test for whether or not the person you’re dating or casually dating is a good fit for you. Tell them something about yourself, whether it’s about your dating or sexual history, preferences, concerns, fears, where you see things going between you two in the short-term, etc.,  and see how they respond. A great example would be telling someone “I have not had sex in a few years because of a previous dead-bedroom relationship. I’m not currently looking for a relationship”. If their response seems to involve anything other than them digesting the information and reciprocating your frankness, then they’re probably not ready to date you. That goes for your specific situation, but in general as well. If you’re a single parent who tells the person you’re dating that you have a kid and they freak out, they aren’t a bad person, but they might not be a good person for you.

Men aren’t a monolith, and some men might be freaked out by someone saying they haven’t had sex in years, but some wont be freaked out. Take these things on a case by case basis and don’t worry about what “MEN” would think of what you say. Did your partner seemed freaked out, or generally accepting of what you said? There’s the answer that matters, not what Joe Blow would think of your dong drought.

Good Luck Out There.

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