If you’re a regular reader you know that I write a lot. I often get asked “how do you write so much?” and while I usually just shrug it off, I figured I’d take a look at what lets me write so much. Don’t worry, this doubles as both dating advice, writing advice, and life advice.
When I first started this blog, outside of a desire to help people, the reason I wrote as much as I did was really just a matter of having free time. That was more than 3 years ago and quite a few major life events later, I can say in all honesty that my free time isn’t why I write as much as I do. It’s also not something like constantly being in the zone, or in flow, or whatever other transcendent mental state you can think of. Simply put, the reason that I can write and publish so frequently is a commitment to being less than perfect. I’m not discounting where I got the questions and content I blog about, nor my own decade long experience dating and online dating, but even then, there are countless other people out there with more experience, more questions to answer, more content, who are just plain better writers than me. So why am I more prolific than s lot of these other writers?
There was a piece of advice I received a long time ago, when I had aspirations of being an artist, about starting and ending a drawing. The advice was “You’ll know when it’s done” . I’ve adapted it a bit, and applied it to my life in a very broad way which goes a little something like this:
If you can make something perfect, do it. If you can't, try your hardest and commit to being less than perfect, but complete.
That is why I why I can write as frequently as I can. How busy I am ebbs and flows, but what will always remain is that I can accept less than perfect but complete. I write, on average, somewhere between 500 to 1500 words a day, 5-6 days of the week. That doesn’t even include the writing I do for podcast show notes, research, etc. I don’t think that there will ever be a time that anything I write is 100% perfect, and I’m okay with that. Will I ever be able to include everything about a subject like dating in 1500 daily words? No, never. Will each post be written immaculately, with neither spelling, grammar, or context errors? Of course not. Is that okay with me? Absolutely! I don’t even think of it as settling, so much as deciding that good enough is sometimes all you need.
“But this is a dating advice blog, why are we talking about how you write? This is very inside baseball!” you might be saying and, yes it is, but it’s also good advice for life in general, and dating especially. You know what I learned a long time ago? There is no perfect. Not when it comes to dating, or relationships. What people mean when they say so-and-so is perfect, they mean that this person, or situation, is perfect enough for them. When I write, I get to a point where I decide that what I’ve written is perfect enough, or just good enough, that I’m okay publishing with my name and face attached. I’m not settling, I just know that at some point, what you already have is great. I think of it like this. When I’m writing, it’s like I’ve gotten a block of fresh marble every day to carve something into. At a certain point, I can’t go back and re-do the marble I’ve already carved away, so I’ve got to be satisfied with what I’ve made. When I’m dating someone and I start thinking about settling down, I’ve decided that the person in question is perfect enough for me. In a perfect world I’d meet a girl, fall in love with her and I’d be physically attracted to her more than any other girl ever, she’d be into all of my diverse interests, she’d have a social life and enjoy socializing with me and my friends, and she’d be able to handle her liquor. Could I love a woman who was not all of those things? Absolutely, and I have, countless times.
Again, this isn’t about settling, it’s about recognizing when what you have is good or great. This doesn’t mean that you have to settle for less-than-good, but you can learn to accept less-than-perfect.
I don’t think there will ever be anything in the world that is perfect, but perfect enough does exist and it’s underrated. My daily posts? I love them, but they aren’t perfect, and that’s okay with me (and apparently, a lot of my readers feel the same way, bless their hearts). No woman I’ve ever dated was perfect, but they were all perfect for me, at the time at least. No one you meet in life, no one who you meet and decide to settle down with, is 100% perfect for you, but that’s something you have to accept. Prince Charming doesn’t exist, but Prince Charming-Enough-Who-Will-Treat-You-The-Way-You-Deserve is out there. Whatever the “Prince Charming/Prince CEWWTYTWYD” analogue is for your sexual orientation, that also exists. I’m not going to sit here writing them all out.
This is good enough.
Good Luck Out There.