How can I tell if they’re looking for a relationship?

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 sidsgothem asks:

I just started to date this girl and she’s super cute and really chill. Issue is, I can’t tell if she’s trying to friend me or have a relationship. During our first date at a restaurant her friends dropped by middle of our date and we had a good time we all stayed out late til like 12am…

I’m busy with work most days so the only time I can meet up with her is weekends so we text most days to stay connected, but I feel I have to initiate every conversation or else she won’t hit me up. I’m planning on taking her out again this weekend but should I just keep my options open…most girls who I go out with constantly text me…or chat…and want to go out always with me…this girl says she’s simple….she seems like she doesn’t text much at least to me…not sure how this will go…

Would it be too soon to ask her if she’s actually looking for a relationship or if she’s actually interested in me? Any advice?


Demetrius says:

Okay it sounds like you’ve got three questions, and they seem to be:

  1. How do you know if the person you’re dating is looking for a relationship?
  2. When is too soon to ask the person you’re dating if they’re looking for a relationship?
  3. When is too soon to ask the person you’re dating if they’re interested in you?

If you’re short on time and just want the answers here they are:

  1. Ask
  2. There isn’t really a “too soon”
  3. Refer to answer #2 (for the most part)

Have fun with the rest of your day! If you plan on sticking around for the reasoning behind those answer, please have a seat.

Okay here’s the deal for anyone who might be wondering “How will I know?” about whether or not someone is interested in you romantically, or just about any dating or relationship question you have. You can never know for certain what someone is really thinking. People can say “I really like you” and in the next breath say “but I don’t think this is going to work”. What people say, and even what they do isn’t some sort of crystal ball that tells you exactly what someone is thinking or feeling, or looking for in your case, but it’s a good start. Asking gives you, at the very least, some sort of answer. And sometimes that’s all you need. Don’t be afraid to ask a question that might seem awkward to ask or answer if nothing would ease your mind more than having an answer.

Now, as for when it might be too soon to ask what someone is looking for, I would have to say it’s too soon if you don’t know their first name. Once you get that, pretty much any time after that is an appropriate time to ask “What are you looking for?”. Seriously, I’m not kidding. If you’ve met someone and you’re interested in them romantically, you can pretty much ask them within the first conversation you have with them what they might be looking for. Is it possible that being that direct might put people off? Sure, absolutely. Then again, some people who are commitment phobic are going to be put off by anyone at any point in time, asking them what they’re looking for. I think I’d be safe in guessing that you’re looking for a relationship, right? So…why would you go on a first date with someone who maybe isn’t looking for the same thing as you? Personally, I always ask what someone is looking for before going on a first date with them, mostly because my money and time are important to me, and I don’t plan to waste said money and time going on dates with women who don’t want the same things I want out of dating. It’s why I never swipe right for people who say they’re “Just looking for friends” because that’s not what I’m looking for on a dating app.

As for asking someone if they’re interested in you romantically, there aren’t too many situations where asking “hey, are you interested in me as more than a friend?” is going to be too soon. There are some exceptions though. If you’re meeting someone through online dating, asking before a first date might be too soon, only because the entire premise of using a dating app is to meet people you might be interested in romantically. That said, a lot of people use online dating sites to meet friends as I mentioned above. Some of these people use dating sites strictly to meet friends, and some people use dating sites to date AND meet friends. If you come across these sort of people, I’d ask whether or not meeting them is going to be a platonic meeting or potentially romantic.  If you want to play it safe, asking after a first date is a great unwritten rule, mostly because someone can be initially interested in going on a first date, but that opinion can change during or after that date. If you know someone from “real life”, i.e. not from the Internet first, you can ask before a first date. This would probably make the most sense if you’re asking if they’re interested is part of asking them out on a first date. If you need a hard and fast  “this is too soon” for every situation, it’s definitely before you get their name.

The biggest takeaway for you should be this: Ask sooner rather than later. Whether it comes to whether or not you’re actually going on a date with someone rather than a platonic hangout, whether or not they’re interested in you romantically, or what they’re looking for,  don’t be afraid to ask sooner rather than later.

Good Luck Out There.

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