We went out, she made out with another guy, I ditched her. Should she be mad?


Patak123 asks:

This girl is on my class. I asked for her number and invited her to a bar, I said I would pick her up at her place to go to play pool. Once we are at the bar she starts drinking and doesn’t follow with my conversations like she just answers my questions and that’s it (first red flag). One guy approaches her and starts talking to her, they seem to get along and I tried to get into the conversation without success (they were talking about his life). I go out to smoke a cigarette and when I come back they are making out. Next step, I leave the bar and go to my home, but I’m her ride, so she calls me asking where the fuck I was, I told her she could ask for a ride to that guy and she gets mad. Wasn’t I clear enough about my intentions? Should she be mad at me? I don’t care about her, just wanna know what you think about what I did.

Demetrius says:

Oh man, this is such a great scenario. Let me just say right off the bat, whether you specifically said it was a date or not is irrelevant. If I invite a friend out, whether they’re someone I want to date or not, and they did all the things she did, I’d have zero qualms whatsoever about ditching them. Whether it was a date or not doesn’t matter, what matters is that she was rude. She wasn’t paying attention while you were speaking, which is rude whether it’s a date or not, she struck up a conversation with someone else, engaged with them, and put no effort into including you in the conversation. THEN, she just starts making out with the guy while you’re supposed to be hanging out. Even if she had no idea it was supposed to be a date, at the very least she could have said “Yo, me and this dude are really hitting it off,  and I know we came together, so I just wanted to give you a heads up that we’re gonna go make out. Wait up for me”. If the situation was flipped, or if neither of you wanted it to be a date, I’d still think what she did was incredibly inconsiderate of your time. Whatever she thought of your intentions may have been, what she did was not cool. At all.

There’s a way that this situation plays out where everything happens in exactly the same way, but she handles everything with tact. If I’m out with a friend, and I start chatting someone else up, I’m either going to try to include my friend in the conversation or, at minimum, give them a heads up that I’m gonna step away from them to flirt. There’s nothing wrong with telling friends that you’re out socializing with that you’re going to step away to flirt with a cutie. That’s what a halfway decent person would have done. If she thought that you invited her out to hang out as friends, at the very least she was being a shitty friend to you.

Which is why I think that ditching her wasn’t that big of a deal. I’m guessing that wherever you took her, there are probably transportation options to get back home, whether it’s public transportation, taxis, Uber/Lyft, and so on. I doubt you took her so far out-of-the-way that she had no options to get home outside of hitchhiking, and that’s really the only situation where I’d think you were in the wrong. Admittedly, the better move on your part would have been telling her directly that you were ditching her, but honestly, I probably would have done exactly the same thing you did.

Oh and I keep talking about this in a way that supposes that there’s a chance that she didn’t know it was a date, but that is a huge stretch. It doesn’t sound like you both were friends to begin with, and considering that she only went out with you because you got her number and invited her to a bar to play pool, I’m guessing that there is like a 99% chance she knew exactly what your intentions were. I’m not saying that every single time a straight guy asks a woman to hang out it’s automatically a date, but your plans specifically sound like a date. I think you were pretty clear about things, short of saying “hey, this is a date, right?”. Regardless though, what she did on the date-that-maybe-wasn’t-a-date-to-her was trifling, and whether or not she’s mad or has a right to be mad doesn’t matter. If you agree to be someone’s ride and they treat you like you’re not there, you have a right to change your mind and go home. You probably should have given her the heads up that you weren’t going to give her a ride back, but she’s grown and she’ll figure things out.

You don’t owe anything to people who treat you like garbage.

Good Luck Out There.

One Reply to “We went out, she made out with another guy, I ditched her. Should she be mad?”

  1. Yep. Bye.

    Even if it wasn’t a date, if wants you to be responsible for her, she’s has to return the favor. “Hey this is my friend ____, and he ____”. You’re both there as friends and if she values you at all, she’ll include you in the conversation like a polite human being. Clearly that didn’t happen. So….bye.

    Maybe I’m being harsh, but those are little things that, as one grows up, begins to notice about people. A genuinely good person would handle it by inclusion and communication. She didn’t. He was in the right by just walking away. If she still wants to be friends, she can put the right foot forward first next time.