What to do when you’re rebounding

Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. Breakups can be tough no matter how great or terrible your former partner was. I just want you to know that I’m here for you.

More to the point though, I know that you’re probably in the post-breakup rebound phase, so I just wanted to give you some tips on what to do now that you’re rebounding. I want you to successfully get over your ex, so I think these tips will be helpful to you:

Social Media Purge

This might seem a little extreme for you but trust me, it works. Out of sight, out of mind absolutely applies to breakups. If you remove any traces of your ex from your social media, you’re way less likely to be reminded of them when you check your social media. Whether it’s deleting pictures, blocking them, or unfriending them, purge them from your social media to help you move on. Do you really want to be reminded of that vacation you took together when you thought you’d be together forever because of a Facebook memory? Of course you don’t!

Cut contact with your Ex

I’m not saying that you can’t remain friends if that’s what you want, but you need time apart so that you don’t lapse into old feelings and behaviors.  Cut contact with them over social media, email, texting, snapchatting, whatever, but don’t forget to also cut in-person contact with them too. You can always bring an ex back into your life later on if you really do want to be friends, but there is nothing wrong with telling someone “Hey, I need some time apart to deal with this breakup”. In fact, I would encourage it.

Avoid excessive drinking

Lots of reasons why you shouldn’t drink to excess, but I’ll use the most clinical reason: It’s a depressant. Most people who are rebounding are looking for new people or things to arouse them (take that however you will) and alcohol (and other depressants) inhibit arousal or stimulation. If you’ve ever been unable to *ahem* perform after drinking to excess, you know exactly what I mean. It’s a lot harder to rebound and get back out there after a breakup if nothing seems to excite you anymore. I’m not saying that you can’t drink at all, but avoid drinking to excess.

If you want to date, be honest

If you do decide to date through your rebounding phase, which is as valid as any way to process a breakup but one I would not personally recommend, you should be honest about it.  Many people are not looking to date anyone seriously, and would be open to dating you casually. Just be honest about it. “I just got out of a relationship, so I’m not really looking for anything serious” is really all you need to say.

If you take a dating break, use your time wisely

What I would personally encourage is taking a break from dating altogether. You should use your break constructively though. Talk a critical look at your last relationship, and try to figure out where you have opportunities to learn and grow. Maybe you can learn something about yourself. Maybe you can learn something about what you are looking for in the future. Or maybe you’ll learn more about what you will or wont tolerate in a relationship. Whatever you learn, time away from dating will be worth it.

Don’t rush anything

Take it slow and steady. Don’t rush into dating someone. Don’t rush to get under someone new to get over your ex. And definitely don’t feel the need to rush to feel like you’re over your Ex. Many people give time-frames for how soon you should be over an ex, but they’re not tailored to you or your situation. No one will ever know how long it takes for you to get over your ex, because we didn’t live through your relationship. There isn’t one end-all be-all rule for how long it takes to get over someone. Nor is there a hard and fast rule for how long you should wait before dating, or sleeping with someone new. Don’t rush things based on someone else’s timeline.

Whatever you do next, do it on your terms, when you’re ready and comfortable to do it.

I think you’ll be fine, but it’s okay if you’re not fine right now. Break ups are tough. The rebound stage is tough too, but I think these tips will help you successfully move on.

Good Luck Out There.