Why doesn’t anyone want to be in a relationship with you?

I see this question floated a lot. In dating advice and relationship advice forums. In the back of dive bars in the wee hours of the night. On Twitter. On Facebook. As an idea, a concept, that feels like truth.

Why doesn’t anyone want to be in a relationship with me?

Am I just not good enough?

Truth me told, I’ve felt that way at points in my life. Sometimes the only way that you can explain the bad things that happen to you is by telling yourself that you deserve your fate. “No one wants to be in a relationship with me because I’m not good enough” is a lot easier to accept than “There are lots of factors as to why I currently am not in a relationship and none of them are as simple as my perceived worth as a romantic partner”. It’s easier to accept an uncomplicated lie if it’s simple, rather than a complicated truth.

So, let me simplify things a bit:

There’s nothing wrong with you

Maybe there are things you could do better, maybe there are small things you can improve upon, but in a big-picture sort of way, I doubt that something about you makes you inherently unworthy of love. I like to think that if you went out of your way to find a dating advice website, read this title, then clicked through to read the advice I’m writing, you give a crap about getting better at dating. Generally speaking, the folks who need to improve the most are the ones who don’t seek it out.

There could be small improvements you can make here or there, but odds are good that you don’t need to shake up your whole life. Then again, it’s a possibility. Ask yourself, and it doesn’t have to be a big exercise, but just ask yourself why your past relationships have failed. Not just romantic ones, I’m talking friendships too. If you notice something about yourself that could be improved work on. Odds are more likely that there isn’t some single issue that is holding you back from being in a relationship though.

Life isn’t a romantic comedy where you need to overcome your one flaw and suddenly you’re worth dating. You’re worth it now

Your worth as a romantic partner isn’t directly related to getting someone

Here’s another thing to keep in mind. You’re worth committing to, but that doesn’t automatically translate to meeting someone. Just because you’re worthy of a commitment doesn’t mean that the universe will hand you a commitment. It takes work, time, and luck to get one. Whether or not you deserve a commitment, or are good enough for a commitment doesn’t mean that a person who is willing to commit to you will fall out of the sky.

It’s not like in video-games where you have a task, complete that task and level up, and suddenly the world changes. You’re worth dating and committing to, but that doesn’t mean that a commitment minded person will fall out of the sky when you pass a certain point in life.

The people you meet/met weren’t good fits for you

It isn’t that no one wants to be in a relationship with you, though it is possible that the people you’ve met don’t want to be in a relationship with you.

And that’s okay.

You aren’t for everybody, but that’s not an indictment of you as a person. The people you met already, or may meet in the future, who don’t want a relationship with you aren’t good fits. Whatever the reason may be, they’re not the ones for you. Fear of commitment, don’t like your hobbies, in love with someone else, whatever the reason, they’re just not good fits for you.

And that’s okay. Seriously, it doesn’t mean anything deeper than “the people I’ve met so far aren’t good fits for me”. Trying to read a deeper meaning into it than that.

Why doesn’t anyone want to be in a relationship with you? Timing, luck, and circumstance. Simple as that.

It has nothing to do with your worth as a person, or any perceived flaws. You just haven’t met a good fit, who was at the right place in their life to want to commit to you. Nothing deeper than that.

Good Luck Out There.

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