What do guys think when a girl makes the first move?

I’ve seen variations of this question pop up on dating forums, usually with three themes:

What do guys think when a girl makes the first move?

What do guys think when a girl sends the first message?

What do guys think when a girl takes the initiative when planning?

As a guy, I can’t say I speak for every single dude on Earth, nor would I slander men who disagree with me or would react differently in these sort of scenarios, but I can speak for myself and men like me. I’m sure many men feel the way I do, because my readership is composed of a great deal of men. So, take everything I say with a grain of salt, but not a boulder of salt.

What do guys think when a girl makes the first move?

Honestly, I’d be feeling a whole mix of things, all positive. Relieved, because as great as I am at reading people, you never really know if someone you’re interested is interested in you. Flattered, even if I’m not interested in them, because I get hit on and approached very infrequently. And finally, Impressed. It takes a lot of guts for anyone to make the first move, but more so for women who date men, because of things like societal expectations, gender roles that are forced upon them, and perceptions about what sort of woman might make a first move.

Basically what I’m saying is, making a first move on a guy like me is generally a positive. At worst, you get a No. If he is the sort of man who will think less of you because you made the first move, he’s not a good fit for you to begin with so that’s no real loss.

What do guys think when a girl sends the first message?

Let’s say I’m a single guy on a dating app that isn’t designed specifically so that straight women have to make the first move, like Bumble. Whether that’s a mutual-match-to-message type of dating app (like Tinder), or a dating website where you can cold-message people you’re interested in (like OkCupid, Match, etc.). How would I feel if a woman took the time to send a first message? Honestly, pretty happy about it.

Look, the whole draw of Bumble (which is my favorite dating app, bar none) for me was always that women had to initiate. It’s not that I’m lazy, but I’ve found that no matter how good a first message I send, whether it’s a cold-message or if I’ve mutually matched with someone, maybe I’ll get a response 20% of the time. My response rate was much higher on Bumble. Whether it was because having the onus of initiation placed on women makes them more comfortable, or some other reason, remains to be seen, but results are results. I’ve sent thousands of first messages that never got a response. On the off-chance that I don’t have to add to that number because a lady has the chutzpah to send a first message, that’d be great.

What do guys think when a girl takes the initiative when planning?

You know how I said I’ve sent thousands of first messages? Well, I’ve planned something like hundreds of first dates. Hundreds. Let’s assume that during my peak online dating years, from 2009 to 2013, I went on 25 first dates in a year (which would be a very conservative estimate). That’s 125 first dates alone. Maybe only 50 of those dates turned into 2nd dates, and 25 into third dates. I probably planned all 200 of those dates. How do you think I’d feel about someone else taking the initiative to plan a first, second, or third date?

Thrilled. I would be, no joke, absolutely thrilled. I don’t care how big or complicated the plans are, to be able to have someone else plan a first date, or subsequent dates, is always a bonus to me.


If you’re wondering “should I take the initiative with this guy?”, just do it. That applies to first messages, date planning, asking a guy out, initiating a first kiss, or anything else where your taking the initiative would be outside of the norm.

Take a chance, and while you always risk getting rejected when you take initiative, trust me when I tell you it’s really no big deal. Thousands of first messages with no response and hundreds of failed first dates all prove that those rejections are learning experiences.

Good Luck Out There.

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