Ever felt like you’re not good enough and then freak out as things become more serious?

wanderlust0102 asks:

Has anyone here ever felt like they weren’t adequate enough for someone else? Like had feelings for another person that you feel is WAY out of your league, and even though they have feelings for you too, you just don’t think you’re worthy? And when that person that you feel is too good for you makes attempts at making the relationship more “serious”, it just pushes you further away because you feel they can do better than you?

Demetrius says:

I think this feeling is more common than you think. But I won’t generalize here, I’ll get a bit more specific. I’ve felt the same way a few times in my past.

You fall for someone and they’re amazing. You think they’re way out of your league, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s physical, maybe it’s a matter of how educated they are, or maybe they just seem “better” than you. Then, they fall for you, but you’re so hung up on the idea that you’re not good enough for them. You push them away, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in not so subtle ways, and eventually, things end, miserably. I’ve been there, more times than you’d think.

I can’t speak to why you might feel inferior to someone who clearly likes you, but I can speak to my own feelings. One time, it had a lot to do with how much she earned. Another time, how educated she was. Another time, how much more well-traveled she was. One time, I just thought she was just cooler than me. I could go on, but you get the point. All of those scenarios had one thing in common: I thought I wasn’t good enough, and they thought I was. It led to tension, which led to resentment, which led to an eventual end. I made myself “not good enough” by insisting I wasn’t.

When we think we’re not good enough for someone, all we’re doing is projecting our own fears and insecurities. It’s not that we think we’re not good enough for someone, it’s that we don’t meet our own standards. They aren’t making you feel like you’re not good enough to be with them, you already feel that something about you is lacking. You have insecurities, and they’ll be there until you address them. Otherwise you’ll live your life thinking you’ll never measure up.

Here’s something to remember, something I learned the hard way: You’re good enough. You, today, with all your flaws, and all your perceived short-comings, are good enough. Your “value” when it comes to dating or relationships, might be perceived differently from person to person, but you have inherent value. Some will think you’re “good enough” to date, some wont, but as a person, you’re adequate. You have flaws and areas that could be improved upon, but so does everyone. Me, you, and the person you think is much better than you aren’t perfect. We’re humans with a complicated mixes of good and bad traits. Sure, you might not be perfect, but I doubt that you’re not good enough for this person. Or anyone.

If someone sees something in you that makes them believe you’re good enough for them, believe them.

Good Luck Out There.

Also published on Medium.