Out of your league? Probably Not.

Yesterday, I tweeted this out in reference to the announcement that Birdman married Toni Braxton…

..and I got back an interesting response. I’ll quote it for you:

“When you have 110 mill in the bank it’s a different league.”

Before I dig into that statement, a quick reminder. I’ve written about the concept of being out of someone’s league a few times, and you can find those posts here, here, here, and here. If you’d like to save a click or four, here’s a basic summary of my beliefs when it comes to being in someone’s league:

  • Being in someone’s league is relative
  • If you think you’re out of someone’s league, and they disagree, they’re right and you’re wrong
  • When you think you’re out of someone’s league, you’re basing that judgement on your standards

While you might think I’d disagree with the statement above, and the idea that wealth impacts your league, I actually agree. Having a significant amount of wealth can put you into a different league. If that seems out of character for me to say, I’ll explain.

Whatever you think determines your value as a viable romantic option is relative, and the statement about wealth changing your league only confirms that belief in my opinion. Think of all the times when you or someone you know justified why a couple that seemed mismatched was together. “She’s only with him because of his money” or “He’s only with her because of her looks”, and so on and so on. By stating that a person is out of someone’s league, but they’re somehow in their league because of a specific thing, whether it’s tangible or intangible, highlights how subjective being in someone’s league really is.

A ton of factors can decide your “league”, but keep in mind that what you think determines your “league” is relative. That also means that what you think does or doesn’t put you into someone’s league isn’t true for everyone. Not everyone values what you do to the exact level that you do.

Wealth doesn’t universally make you attractive to everyone. Neither will having a six-pack. At the top of your field in your career? That doesn’t make you desirable to everyone you meet either. While I agree that having $100 Million Dollars CAN put you into another league, it doesn’t make you completely irresistible to everyone you meet. The same goes for how funny you are, how many great stories you have, or any other characteristics you might have.

What a person values and what they’re attracted to determines their interest in you. Your ideas about what league you’re in, or what league someone else is in don’t. They’re just your ideas. Whatever you think someone values, what you think determines their “league”, says more about what you value than anything else. I’m not saying that what you value is wrong, or what you think puts someone in your league is wrong, just that it’s an opinion, not a fact.

When I tell you that someone probably isn’t out of your league, that’s the reason why. What makes you who you are is more than just the sum of how you look and how much money you make. And even if someone isn’t attracted to you, and even if the reason why is money, or your looks, that doesn’t mean that you’re out of their league, it just means that they’re not into you. It doesn’t mean that you can’t meet someone just as attractive, just as interesting, and just as dynamic who would be interested in you.

You can think that someone is out of your league, just know that it’s your opinion. Someone might tell you that they’re out of your league, just know that is their opinion. It’s all relative.

I’ll close with this last piece of advice: Don’t let your opinion about being out of someone’s league stop you from taking a chance. It’s better to ask someone out and risk rejection, then to let your opinions stop you from potentially meeting someone who digs you. You’d be surprised how often you’re wrong about these things.

Good Luck Out There.

Also published on Medium.